the dangers of fast food...

Every time I think my life is strange people run amok in America and prove that my life is about as exciting as the life of a three-toed sloth...

Wendy’s manager shot over limit on chili sauce - AP

So, anyway, does everyone know who Arch Campbell is? No? Well, he's a regional "star" in the metro area. He is actually the entertainment reporter for the local NBC channel and is pretty much the only on-air critic of the Washington area. Well, was, he retired last year. A couple of weeks ago I was delighted to be invited to a sneak preview of a movie (which I heard he was attending as well) called "Knocked Up". I knew nothing of the movie except that it was directed by the same guy who made "The 40-Year Old Virgin". I actually have never seen "The 40-Year Old Virgin" (shock of shocks to many people!) but I heard it was pretty funny. Well, I got to the theatre and actually was running a little late so I took the first seat I could find as the previews began. Looking left and right I noticed everyone had notepad and pens...hmm...then I noticed a few rows behind me was Arch Campbell. I was a little stunned then realized I was sitting in the row marked "Reserved for members of the Press". It's not like parking in the spot reserved for pregnant women but it was still a little awkward. Anywho the movie was almost completely the type of movie that mindlessly pandered to pop culture, used ridiculous product placement techniques and just basically was made for the masses. The kind of movie I would usually be embarrassed to even say I saw. But it was hilarious. I looked past those flaws and saw that it was just simply a funny funny movie...and that I would see it again and buy it when it comes out on DVD. So I definitely recommend this movie for anyone who liked "The 40-Year Old Virgin" and anyone looking for a semi-mindless comedy.

Time to catch the Championship Final of the infamous National Spelling Bee!

[I just typed all this without my glasses so forgive any syntax errors that were made!]

History of the Hiatus: Part I

[ October, November, December '06 ]

Hmm...I actually did blog in October and November but I failed to mention a very important "life event" throughout those postings: I moved. Nothing really serious but it's definitely worth mentioning. I left the suburban life I was so used to for the busting downtown city life. I'm still not used to this city but I love not having to drive all the time...except for to/from work (granted that does take up 80% of my time). The main reason for the move was to get closer to work, I was tired of taking nearly 4 hours daily to go to and from work.

Now in suburbia one can park almost anywhere without having to pay for it. Unfortunately that cannot happen when one lives downtown...parking usually involves some kind of ominous meter that strips you of all your shiny coins and limits the amount of time you can spend in one place. I think I received about 5 parking violations in the first month that I moved. Then the next month 4. Then 2. And now none!


The winter holiday season also sees me mostly at work since that's the part of the year when we are most busy. It was no different this year...'work work work' was my mantra. After spending Christmas in somewhat of a lone splendor I worked a few more days, got my passport in order, packed my bags and took a plane to Africa.

[to be continued...]

the long arm of the law...

So I'm tired of getting in trouble with the police. It's quite unusual but then again so is everything else about my life...I can't imagine that there won't be anything that I haven't done in probably 10 years from now -- every month I experience events that just boggle my mind as to how or why they happened. Oh well, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??

In the past year I have been pulled over by:

• Washington DC Police (ticket)
  
• Takoma Park Police (citation, warning)
  
• City of Gaithersburg Police (ticket)
  
• Frederick County Police (ticket, and umm...arrest)

Don't ask.

Life is currently throwing me curve balls and since I don't know how to play baseball I just keep getting struck out. Ah, but it's ok! I've been through worse and so have millions of other people -- the key is to always learn learn learn from mistakes and move forward...any time spend dwelling on past mistakes is time wasted.

bouncin' off the walls...

Wow, I didn't realize just how powerfully strong Sparks was. It's not a great tasting drink but I guess one wouldn't drink it for the taste. I think the most clever promotion EVER occurred last night -- free Sparks all night (well...at least until 10pm) at this bar/concert venue in DC. People like free drinks, right? Why not get them hopped up on an incredibly caffeinated beverage that sure to 'give them wings' AND put some alcohol in their system?? Especially if you are having a night of local DJs that are ready to get everyone dancing. I thought about this when I received my tickets for the beverages but I definitely underestimated its effect. Minutes after I took my first two sips I began to feel it. I've never had Red Bull a day in my life but I'm guessing it's like that with the added spark of alcohol. It really was too much for me...my heart was racing and I just felt the uncontrollable urge to dance. As I relayed this to my group their response was "yeah...it's like that". So I danced like there was no tomorrow and so did everyone else...it's kind of like spiking the fruit punch at a party. Except everyone knew it. The aftereffects were indeed what I expected...energy that just would NOT go away. No one could sit still on the Metro and even though it was near 4am no one was tired. Now I like a good sleep after a drunken night of debauchery but there was no way I was going to bed. I made a sandwich and watched TV for an hour before I completely crashed.

Sparks may be good for some people but not for me. Minus the alcohol it should be a great additive to my bi-annual drives to Indiana to pick up my sister from school but otherwise I think I'll leave the stuff alone. Barks...err...Sparks has way too much bite for me.

blistering barnacles!

It's Tintin's time to take the trip to Tinseltown! I'm not sure how many people are familiar with the comic book spectacular Tintin (and the lovable sidekick Capt. Haddock) but I was amazed and delighted to hear that plans are in the works for not one but three movies. Anthony Lane of the New Yorker brought this to my attention in an article I was reading yesterday and ABC News confirmed it with this story. Not only that but Steven Spielburg and Peter Jackson have signed on to direct at least one film in this upcoming series -- THAT is amazing. First movie should be out in 2009...let the countdown begin!

A Series of Spectacular Events...

Apparently inspired by Ashley's recent rebelliousness I called out of work yesterday. Ok, maybe not so much inspired by that but by my little 10-year old cousin has sickle cell anemia and is currently enduring a most uncomfortable hospital stay with a high fever. I spent the afternoon with him and when his mother arrived from work I was to depart to a book reading at Politics & Prose (P&P). THAT is where the trouble began.

SCHEDULE: book reading @ 7:00pm.

PLAN: leave the hospital when his mother arrived (sometime around 5 - 5:30), drop my car at home and take the metro to P&P.


Now I do have to mention several fundamental facts:

1. I am absolutely NO GOOD at driving in DC. I get lost as soon as I turn my key and the pistons start pumping.

2. Getting in and out of Children's Hospital is near impossible: it's a maze of streets with no actual indication as to how one is to escape.

3. I have a penchant for luck beyond my comprehension.

So she was running late and didn't get to the hospital until about 6:05pm. In my mind I was attempting to figure out how I intended to get directly to P&P since there was no time at all to drive back home at this point. I couldn't think of anything...I really had no clue how I could or should go about driving and what direction to go. In classic "Ron" fashion I left the hospital and figured that if I attempted to drive back the same way I came I could at the very least get to a major road and just kind of drive in the direction of P&P until I found a recognizable street....


6:09pm - Out of the hospital parking lot and confused...I came in a different way...new plan = drive until I saw the street that I came from.

6:12pm - Nothing yet. Oh! A metro bus has a marquee that reads "H2 - Van Ness / UDC" (P&P is 10 blocks from that location)...thought runs past my mind to follow the bus...oh how foolish! Come now, time is being wasted...must find the road where I came from!

6:25pm - Back at the hospital! I drove around in a big circle (how?!)...getting desperate and short on time...what to do?

6:30pm - Salvation! Another H2 bus ahead...but wait, where is it going? Nothing on the marquee to indicate this...is it heading in the same route or back along to the opposite direction? No time (or way) to find out...new plan = follow that bus!

6:40pm - Cars honking at me as I slow down and pull behind the bus every once in a while...DC can be so mean during rush hour!

6:45pm - Bus flies through an orange light and I get stopped at red! I crane my neck to follow the bus with my eyes...whew...bus gets stopped immediately at next light!

6:50pm - Bus takes several detours through neighborhoods...am I even going in the right direction??

6:55pm - Success! Connecticut Ave! Wave goodbye to my guide and drive along Conn. - just about 10 blocks away...

6:56pm - Reality creeps in...where am I going to find parking?! There is only street parking available and that is ALWAYS full...what a bittersweet ending this is going to have!

6:59pm - One block away...wait...what is that ahead? A car parked right in front of P&P leaving?? My eyes salvate and they dart left and right to make sure there are no other cars attempting to nab my parking spot...I graciously allow the car to enter the street as I take the only spot available on the both sides of the street.

7:00pm - With amazement at the events that just transpired I take the key out and walk into P&P right on time.

Yeah, so that's my life...


Also the book reading / signing was for The Ministry of Special Cases by Nathan Englander. I was really excited to meet him and I had read his collection of short stories a while ago so I was excited to hear he was coming out with a full length novel. It should be a good read!

Return of the King...

Wouldn't I look so good with a monocle?

Well...maybe not "the King"...but at least a Prince? No? How about Duke...no...Archduke! Perfect. So here we are again, I've come back from a long (understatement) period of inactivity with many stories of courage, adventure, romance, and philosophical enlightenment to tell!

[Synopsis of MONTHS since last blog to follow]