How to murder and get away with it by OJ Simpson...

So O.J. Simpson is finally doing exactly what some of us thought his sick mind was eventually going to do: confess...but not confess. As I'm sure most of you have heard OJ has written a FICTIONAL (yes. pure fiction.) account of the night of the murder and what he would have done if he actually did it. Yeah. In detail he describes how he "would have" done it. This is one of the most disturbing things that i've ever heard of and it doesn't stop there! Fox Broadcasting has also decided that they are going forward with a movie of his fictional depiction. A movie! I know that FOX is completely unscrupulous and believes that no matter what any publicity is good publicity but are there really no moral boundaries? I can't imagine what his two kids think about their dad making a movie about how he would've killed their dead mother! Also remember that he was acquitted but was found guilty in the civil case? Yeah, it's been 10 years and he hasn't paid a dime on the $33.5 million that he owes...what a world!


In other former-NFL-running backs-related news three time SuperBowl champ Emmitt Smith won in Dancing With the Stars! I don't know ANYTHING about this show except that it pairs real dancers with washed up actors / sports stars, etc. and apparently is the #1 reality TV show. Weird, but that's what America is into right now.

Because I work in the retail food business last week I re-took the test to become Food Safety Certified in Montgomery County (my license is due to expire this year) and I get my results back this week...I can't wait to find out whether or not I get to be among the chosen few. There were lots of questions on the FDA-constructed test about shellfish, and unfortunately I had to leave the training class for almost 2 hours for a store audit and I missed that section completely...so I just guessed all those questions. I didn't realize shellfish were that important to food handling!

Ooh...so tomorrow I'm going to see the 90's alt-rock band Live in Baltimore @ Sonar. The last time I saw them was a few years ago when they had a free show in Rockville and they just have way too many great songs to play them all in a one and a half hour set...it's amazing. And they keep coming out with new material when they could just play all their old stuff all day long!

google: banana hammock

Results: 464,000
What I learned: "A men's style of undergarment that holds the genitalia in a sling-like hammock apparatus, allowing the meat knot to protrude offensively. Favored by greasy Europeans at the beach, and even greasier weightlifters during competition and posedown sessions." or "A phrase used to break uncomfortable silences or used to break up a hostile argument. [as seen on Scrubs where Cox and his ex wife are arguing and J.D. interjects with 'BANANA HAMMOCK']" (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=banana+hammock&defid=1233514).

google: cats on fire

Results: 3,790,000
What I learned: Cats on Fire is a very popular name for bands. Along with apparently being the best unsigned band in Finland at the moment (that's according to http://www.onechord.net/cats_on_fire.htm) they are also Maryland's premier acoustic guitar rock duo..."Once you hire cats on fire you'll never have a party without them again" (http://www.catsonfire.com/). Also a "Salt Lake City home destroyed by fire last week (the date isn't actually given...this could've been last week three years ago) left over 30 cats with no home to call their own", so you should go to http://www.caws.org/firecats.html and adopt some or something.

google: bush's last day

Results: 56,900,000
What I learned: www.bushslastday.com is a very good place to get magnets, decals, hats, mugs, bumperstickers, countdown clocks and t-shirts for the day that many people in our country simple can't wait for. Also apparently about 59,439,413 people did not vote for Bush -- about the same number of the search results...coincidence? I think not! Also, one of the "Top Ten Reasons to Own a Backwards Bush Countdown Clock Keychain (www.backwardsbush.com)" is 1. Wearing one around your neck helps to keep Republicans away and smells much better than garlic.

google: alfred nobel

Results: 1,990,000
What I learned: Alfred Nobel actually created the Nobel Prize in 1895 as part of his will. He invented dynamite and some credit him with being the father of modern warefare (well...not really modern but what was modern back then). Alfred Nobel manufactured nitroglycerine and dynamite and became extremely weatlthy because of this and yet he considered himself a pacifist.

benjamin gibbard: "election results...

...are in and Ben Cardin is your winner!". As the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie made this announcement I literally jumped up and down for joy on the floor of Constitution Hall in front of hundreds of concert-goers. In response to his announcement there was a thunderous applause that lasted into the beginning of the next song -- Soul Meets Body.

Tuesday night I went to see the indie-rock kings Death Cab for Cutie (DCFC) with Ted Leo + the Pharmacists opening for them in DC. It was actually the third time I have seen DCFC and the second for Ted Leo. I suppose I would consider DCFC my favorite band of the 21st century (that sounds so epic) and the concert was especially good because I was able to get tickets that put me 6 rows from the front of the stage. I really like Constitution Hall and have been there for at least 5 concerts, 3 high school graduations (including my own), 2 theatrical performances and 1 speech from the former Secretary-General of the United Nations. And last night I was there on a very important election day!

So Ben Gibbard made the announcement that Ben Cardin won for US Senate and later I found out that Martin O'Malley is going to be our new governor. I'm very happy that now Maryland will to return/continue to it's long tradition of Democratic leadership. Also President Bush announced today that Rumsfeld will no longer be our defense secretary (a week after giving him high praise and saying he would stay for the next two years). OK, that's enough...I'm starting to feel like a political blog...

On a completely unrelated note it would seem that me and a few people have gotten into a mini-war over certain comments involving my favorite NFL player Peyton Manning...

[away message from Jeff:]

Auto Response from JLBritches (1:09:11 AM):

To those of you who don't know Slippery Ron, he's a huge colts fan and an even bigger Peyton Manning fan (has been since his days at UT). It is also a lot of fun to talk trash about those two particular football entities being that they win about as many superbowls as the Bills did in the 90's. However, I really had nothing to say after this more than quality text message he sent me: "Luck doesn't even begin to describe the amazingly superb Peyton. It is written in the book of fate that he who destroys Brady twice in a row will covet Lombardi's treasure."

[my reply to the message:]

Auto Response from TerMyst2 (2:24:17 PM):

Thanks to Thor I have garnered some respect amongst self-appointed "haters" to the future throne. However, a google search for "superbowls bills 90's" includes several results that basically read "Buffalo went to 4 straight Super Bowls from 1990-93, losing everyone." As my brow furrowed from deep thought I realized that UT and the Colts have indeed yet to win superbowls. The Colts have already wrapped up the next four out of five superbowls ( losing only to the matured Eli in a couple of years) and therefore I propose an immediate change to the rules of college football. There's absolutely no reason why UT shouldn't have an automatic wildcard to the NFL playoffs every season. They should at the very least be given a chance...I leave you with this crutial line from Thor:"The winds of fate will thus pass over the colts one again sealing peyton...as the greatest...anyone has ever seen"

[John's reaction to the verbal tug-o-war:]

MrBig1808 (2:24:14 PM): I just want to know who you're buying your acid from because apparently its some good ass shit. Unless the coma you were in a few years back lasted until a few weeks ago and you missed out on the last playoff appearances by your beloved Colts, I can't fathom of a reason other than a sharp break from reality (aka psychosis) that would lead you to believe that not only would the Colts under Peyton ever make it to the Super Bowl, but that they could possibly win 4 in a row only to lose to the second biggest choke artist in the league, Eli. Seriously this is absurd. I guess I could only expect something this ridiculous from you, but it only further solidifies my argument that you require some sort of drug to off set the gross chemical imbalance currently responsible for your most recent skewing of reality.

[my reply:]

Big John - looks to me like we're getting our smack from the same person. That would be the only acceptable response to why you would think that Ronald Wanendeya Makawa would ever be fool enough to support the University of Texas. Put on your bifocals and closely examine Thor's words: "he's a huge colts fan and an even bigger Peyton Manning fan (has been since his days at UT)". Now when I google 'Peyton Manning' and 'UT' I come up with the University of Tennessee, a school where bringing up the national championship would make you the funniest man in Knoxville. It is in my experience that Skins fan do often get so high on a win against the 'Boys that they believe no other team can or will win a superbowl (especially one that's 8-0) except for them. Did Eli make it to the playoffs last year? Yes. Did Peyton make it to the playoffs last year? Yes. Did old man Brunell make it to the playoffs last year? No. Now I emplor you to take the needle carefully out of your vein, not to light that pipe filled with so much greenery, and to wake up and smell reality: You can't talk about flopping in the playoffs until your own franchise makes more than one playoff appearance in five years. And yet we're both in the same position at the end of every season regardless of playoff appearances -- without a ring.

to vote or not to vote...is it even a question?

I mean really! I'm so tired of hearing about all the people who didn't vote today because they couldn't decide on who to chose or because they aren't educated on the issues or simply because they didn't register in time! This is a democracy that we are in...one of the candidates WILL and that will decide the future of the way our country will be run for the last two years of Bush's term. How hard is it to just go online or go to the library and get informed? Anyone that hasn't voted yet needs to cast their ballot as we've found out in the past EVERY vote counts and no vote is ignored.


[also Election Day should be an official government holiday]

these aren't your daddy's cassettes...

So I love The Cassettes. They are kind of a big deal and I'm glad they are getting back to touring. Just in case you don't know them they are a (local) D.C. "indie"-rock band. I think the most amazing thing about them is the experimental nature of the music that they play and the varying instruments that each band member uses. The coolest one is definetly Arthur (highlighted above). Here is the bio on him from their website:

Arthur Harrison

Theremin, Vocals, Circuit-Building, Electrical Engineering

Although his exact history is shrouded in mystery, Harrison has been making electronic music and practicing sonic vandalism in the DC area since at least the 1980s and has spent years perfecting his oscillators and theremins. He joined The Cassettes accidently after a brief meeting at a planetarium and a combination of strange events.



Yeah, so can you guess what instrument he plays? No? Well...the theremin is one of the greatest inventions of mankind. Here is a nice definition of it:


ther‧e‧min  /ˈθɛrəmɪn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ther-uh-min] –noun

a musical instrument with electronic tone generation, the pitch and tone volume being controlled by the distance between the player's hands and two metal rods serving as antennas.

---

[Origin: 1925–30; named after Leo Theremin (b. 1896), Russian inventor]

It makes a wicked awesome sound and he just looks really cool playing it. It kind of looks like he's pulling invisible strings on invisible puppets over a soundboard. Anywho they are playing on 11/11 at IOTA in Northern VA just in case anyone is around the area...hey, maybe I'll see you at the show, wouldn't that be soo cool?

[completely unrelated information below]
So I had a pretty good night out yesturday with my buddy Charlie...I hadn't really planned on going out and spending a lot but it turns out that it was someone's birthday so I was buying many many drinks. This is because people are generally exempt from paying for anything on their birthday...which leads me to my question of the day -- when in the world do people pay for me? My birthday is the leap year so I actually only get a birthday once every four years. I don't think it's fair to have to wait that long for people to pay for me...I demand restitution for all the years I've missed!

good night and good luck...

I actually took this picture 9 months ago...wierd. I think I'll post all the facial expression pictures that I have from earlier this year to go hand in hand with each post. So anywho today has been a tired and sleepy day...I didn't get ANY work done at...work. I actually almost fell asleep, which is always a bad thing when you're a manager and you fall asleep in your office and someone knocks on the door and you jump up and the only thing that prevents you from going through the roof is the fact that it's solid and also you can't jump six feet in the air while sitting...I'm not saying this (almost) happened to me but one should always be careful.

So I saw the movie Good Night, and Good Luck last night and I thought it was pretty well done. For all the George Clooney-hating that I do (sorry ladies) the guy does a half-decent job at directing. As it turns out he can actually be a credit (sometimes) for Hollywood. I'm sure he enjoys it more than being on the 20-trillionth season of ER. Speaking of TV shows last night I finally watched Tina Fey / Lorne Michael's new show 30 Rock on NBC. It doesn't really seem very well connected but it can really have it's funny moments. It feels like a comedian's set -- many topics that aren't really connected to each other and funny at some moments...and then just not really funny at all at other times. Anywho I like Tina Fey so I'll watch the new episodes when I get a chance. You should too.

Tina Fey is a commedian...Tracy Morgan is a comedian...Mr. Baldwin is...something else...

so last month I got into a car accident...not really unusual for me...actually i believe I've made my quota for the year. my life seems to budget me for at least one major car accident each year or two minor ones -- In the last five years I've gotten into three major ones and about four minor ones. In one I had a seizure (first and hopefully my last) and apparently swerved onto the opposite side of traffic and slammed head on into a minivan. In another I hit a patch of black ice and spun many many times in circles until I slammed into a telephone pole. And my favorite one is the one where my empty Sobe bottle falls under my brake (true story) and I can't slow down while going about 70 mph down a highway curve. Instead of turning with the curve I slam into the wall and apparently my car flipped over several times and skidded about half a mile down the road. I say apparently because I actually was in a coma for the next 9 hours. Also the paramedics ACTUALLY pronounced me DOA (Dead On Arrival...yikes) when they got there because I had no pulse. About 5or 6 minutes later they realized I was indeed still alive and had to get the "Jaws of Life" to free me. I've used up all my lives and I really have no scientific explanation for why I'm still standing. 

Beatbot with Ron and Dia (Fallen Angel)... 

BeatBot with Mario... 

Beatbot with Jumbo Slice and Deal or No Deal girl... 

BeatBot with Ipod (or Irod)?... 

BeatBot with Borat... 

BeatBot with BatGirls... 

BeatBot 5000...costume of the night! 

party at the Reef! 

Several robots, two troll dolls, and a walking crab...

...Are just some of the costumes that were found at the Reef last night in Adam's Morgan. There were many really good costumes there and a costume contest. I went as a devil...actually I didn't get the horns until after I got there -- it was really just a matter of luck that there happen to be a pair of Barcardi sponsored horns lying on the ground! I was already dressed for action so it was perfect. My "date" went as a fallen angel (complete with the wings and everything...I never really thought about how much of a logistical nightmare it is to wear a pair of wings at a semi-crowded Adam's Morgan bar)...there were two characters from the cartoon Futurama (one Bender, and one Dr. Zoidberg), two Marios, three (three!) Captain Jack Sparrows, one Mad Max, a little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, and a Tina Turner to name a few. The contest was CLEARLY rigged -- the best "costume" was given to a pair of guys barely dressed as Hall 'n' Oats (yea, uh...google them if you don't know). Hall 'n' OATS! The Beat Bot 5000 robot should have won! Speaking of the Beat Bot 5000...here are some pictures from the evening...

Guess who I was for Halloween?